The Boston Red Sox

Baby blue staring in the window pane
Just counting drops of rain
Wondering if she's got the guts to take it
Running down her dreams in a dirty dress,
Now her heart's a mess

Praying she'll find a way to make it

So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We've come this far, don't you be scared now
'Cause you can learn to fly on the way down

Fly - Maddie and Tae

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 Tonight I was laying there on the car ride home from getting ice cream with my family. 

I was thinking about my life right now, and what it feels like to me. So often I have felt my success ultimately defined by my relationship status. Not to say that I wasn't extremely ambitious outside of my relationship, but I certainly did not feel like my life was complete and happy unless I had a boyfriend. 

I'm single right now, and for the first time in my life I'm actually content to just be me. Nights can be lonely (and sometimes emotional), and there are certainly mornings where I wish I was waking up to a "good morning" text from someone who loves me, but ultimately I have so much more going on in my life that having a boy around seems insignificant by comparison.

 I have so many expectations and goals for my life, and I'm not willing to settle on them; not for anyone. Not for the firefighter, the business man, the artist, or the golfer. I want the freedom to be whoever I want, say whatever I want, and do whatever the fuck I want. 

My life is going to mean something. I know I'm meant to be someone, and right now I just want to figure out who that is or is supposed to be. And maybe that's not a devastating realization to a lot of people, but it was for me. It was a first, and I am stronger for it. 

So whatever life throws at me, I'm ready but not desperate for it. 

I'm a fighter.