The Rain in Spain Stay Mainly in the Plain

My great love lives in Spain

For the first month that we spoke I had him listed as "Marine" in my phone so that I could tell the difference between his texts and the texts from two of my exes (they all have the same name - apparently I have thing). 

I, as you can probably guess, met this poor guy on Tinder. He lives near me, but he's in the Marine Corps so he actually lived in North Carolina and was only home for 4th of July. At the time I was mixed up with an older guy that I had an all encompassing crush on. In fact, that same guy left me lonely and sad on the 4th...enter Marine from Tinder. 

He was cute, but he looked like a kid to me. I thought I was so evolved because all of a sudden, older guys were starting to pay attention to me (Tinder will do that to you). In reality, he was twenty-one, which was a year older than me. He flirted with me and I flirted back. He wanted me to let him come over, and now I really wish I had. I spent that night making dinner for just myself, and watching fireworks in my back yard all alone because I wanted the other guy to like me ( I can tell you now, that did not work out). 

We have been talking non-stop for three months. We were just supposed to be friends. I thought he was a kid and it was nice having someone to talk to between my conquests, but somewhere in there I completely fell in love with him. I don't even know how it could have happened because we've been bro's this whole time, and I didn't think it was possible for me to develop feelings for him. But somewhere between his asshole moments of telling me the gross things guys think about girls, and his ex girlfriend problems, and his drunk texts, I fell in love with that idiot. And I'm not even sure he feels the same way or ever will. He hasn't expressed any kind of real feelings toward me, and I don't want to be that girl who continues to pursue a guy even though he makes it quite clear that he "doesn't want a relationship". 

But every single day that we've spoken I have been completely and totally me, and he still texts me the next day. He has made me smile more than anyone ever has, and he's never intimidated by my personality. 

I have thoughts about him coming home from Spain and me meeting him in the airport and running up and hugging him. I have full on made a rom-com scene in my head, and that can only mean one thing: it will never work out the way that I want it to. 

My great love lives in Spain, but... 

I don't think he will ever love me.. 

Goodnight my marine