Tokyo Drift

You ever have a song or maybe even an album that just throws you right back to a certain place or time in your life? I say "throw" because it literally feels like it whips you back against the wall when you hear it.

I am sure this is a common experience for a lot of people, but it's something that feels like it can really rock me. It feels like I have always had a boy around. Someone I was hoping to fall in love with and whom I was hoping would fall in love with me. I wanted so badly to have a best friend. Someone who would always be there for me. So,  I would listen to their music, take an interest in their hobbies, and immerse myself in them.

Music was an especially prominent aspect of my relationship with guys in middle school and high school. It's what drew us together, and I always got on their bandwagon. Whatever it was. In high school it was A Day to Remember's "Homesick" album and a very cute boy who was obsessed with vintage muscle cars and World of Warcraft (as it turns out, more than he was interested in me). I will never forget the summer he introduced me to ADTR and the Fast and Furious series. There is even a shampoo scent that reminds me of that time.

These memories seem to haunt me more than anything. They are always filled with things that I never wish to harken back to (if I can help it). I always wonder if most people feel this way? I think it's so sad that these memories are just filled with broken promises and unfulfilled dreams, and that's why it's so painful for them to pass through my subconscious to my conscious memory.

Even now, as I write this, I'm listening to another boy's music (which happens to be amazing writing music). And when he leaves, it will hurt to listen to this album, just as it hurts to hear Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult (don't ask - I should have known the relationship was doomed when that was "our song").

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I don't know. Oh well.