Goodnight Moon...

Cause I’ve been trying way too long
To try and be the perfect song
When our hearts are heavy burdens
We shouldn’t have to bear alone

So goodnight moon and goodnight you
When you’re all that I think about
All that I dream about
How’d I ever breathe without
A goodnight kiss from goodnight you

Goodnight Moon - Go Radio

 

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Hey Hun,


It's one in the morning and I'm laying here thinking about you. I'm praying that you're doing okay. Like, actually okay, not the fake okay that you're so fond of feigning. I miss you and I hope you're not spending too much time talking to your fish or getting lost in your prison of guilt.

Me?

Tonight kinda sucks. Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean: often) I feel so completely alone. I don't have anyone who understands me; the real me. And certainly no one who actually cares how I'm doing. No one to text me in the middle of the night just to check on me. It's always kinda felt like me against the world, and maybe that's a very "poor me" attitude, but I can't remember the last time I felt like anyone really cared what I had to say. Everyone is always waiting for you to ask about them, or find a way to squeeze in their own agendas. Seems like everyone has an agenda, doesn't it?

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Tonight I watched my baby sister on the couch with her boyfriend. She got her wisdom teeth removed today, and she looks so pathetic.

He came over just to bring her ice cream and sit on the couch while she fell asleep next to him for hours. I miss those days so much it hurts. I couldn't even sit and watch the movie with them because it hurt so badly.

Sixteen is such a great age for love. The world hasn't gotten a chance to fuck with you yet. Boys haven't learned to treat you like shit, and girls haven't had to learn the harsh reality that you can't trust anyone; especially not boys.

I wish I could go back.

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I'm just laying here in bed feeling trapped and tired and I feel like my ribcage could collapse at any moment. I'm so sick of laying here paralyzed and sobbing by myself, and I have absolutely no one to call. No one.

I can't even text you, when you're the only person I want right now. Because you have your own crap and I couldn't possibly ask for anything from you. I'm supposed to be there for you, not the other way around.

 But that just means I'm alone again tonight. Again.

That's okay though. There are ways to fix that..

Goodnight.